Fascists at Work

Been feeling I should update you on what is happening out here since little Johnny's take-over bid. First thing is, only the white people are taking any notice - everyone else has been living with oppression for so long that they have long ago perfected the art of ignoring it as much as possible. Second thing is that I learnt today that they are sending administrators in to every community, a move that has only ever been made in the past in the case of (extreme) white or council corruption. This is war, and this is fascism at work. Forget about healing abuse, this is just another attempt to cement abuse in the psyche of these gentle people. And I am wanting to go home and feel horrible about abandoning people with all this going on.

And for the beauty of the land that sings so strongly here - another rape by the walypala (whitefella). Last night I camped in the riverbed at Mbunghara with twenty women and a dozen girl children - a camp organised to talk about ways to protect from sexual abuse - meeting and talking with all the young girls in a culturally sensitive partnership of white agencies and local elders. Protective behaviours stuff. A huge vaulted sky full of stars and a bright moon overhead, little fires between the swags in line, old women singing in language, kids shrieking till late just like a Tuntable camp, except that no-one hassles them for it. Kids have so much freedom here. Frost on the swag in the morning and little girls lighting the fires from the embers. Kenn would have loved it, except he would have had to be in a men's camp and he would have loved that. I loved it and wish we could sleep there every night instead of in this prison world of electricity pylons and fences and besser block boxes. I fantasise about sneaking off with my swag into the bush but it is so hard to do anything unseen here and people would not like it.

Knowing myself as well as I do, I don't know how I am managing to cope. But I am, just, despite still crying at inopportune moments and not sleeping well at all. Don't know how long I can keep it up - it is very hard to be working fulltime in this head and heart space. Still I have years of practise behind me and despite my complaints, there are so many lovely people here of all kinds - Sandy the nurse rubbed some liniment into my aching shoulders today and it was lovely to have a healing touch on my skin. And when I look at the suffering all around me, I feel like a spoiled child.